Electronic Media: Roadblock to Effective Communication

Electronic Media: Roadblock to Effective Communication:

The teenaged daughter of a prominent psychologist was asked by a teacher what she most wanted from her parents. Without hesitation she replied, "I would most like to be one of my father's patients, so that he would have time to talk and listen to me for a change." This young girl expressed a growing problem many families are facing in our fast-paced society. Our world is full of distractions that tug at our time and energy. Only those who make a concerted effort are able to spend quality, one-on-one time with their children. In order for effective communication to occur, we must first make time for it to happen.
Unfortunately for most fathers, the years when children most need to communicate openly is also the time when they are working the hardest to provide materially for their families. Mothers also are entering into the work-force in ever increasing numbers. Approximately 60% of all mothers in America currently work outside the home. But her responsibilities also continue at home--housework, cooking, help with homework, taxi service for music and dance lessons, sports activities, etc. At the very time when the need for meaningful communication is at its highest, it is often at its lowest.
A study at the University of Michigan showed modern parents spend very little quality time communicating with their children. The researchers found:
· Working mothers spend an average of 11 minutes of quality time on weekdays and 30 minutes on weekends.
· Fathers spend even less quality time with their children—an average of eight minutes a day during the week and 14 minutes a day on weekends.
If this research paints a true picture, then most families are being totally distracted from the open communication that has been identified as one of the most important factors in creating effective families. In order for communication to take place, the listener must be available when the person desiring to communicate is in the mood. If a child must wait for an extended period of time, the desire to communicate will pass and a golden opportunity lost.
Perhaps the biggest roadblock to quality communication in our day is electronic media. We are immersed in it. Not only do American homes have plenty of electronic media available, it is heavily used. National studies have shown that the average American spends four hours a day watching TV or 28 hours weekly. One study found that a typical 8 year old will have already spent more time watching television than they will in an entire lifetime in meaningful conversation with their fathers.
In all too many families children go to bed at night without having any quiet time or meaningful verbal interchange with their parents or siblings all day long. Isn't it interesting that most parents not only allow huge amounts of time to be taken away from family communication by the media, they provide the money and means to make the distractions available. Many parents place no limits whatsoever on the amount of time they or their children spend with the media. Researcher Urie Bronfenbrenner made this profound observation:
"Like the sorcerer of old, the television set casts its magic spell, freezing speech and action, turning the living into silent statues so long as the enchantment lasts. The primary danger of the television screen lies not so much in the behavior it produces, although there is danger there, as in the behavior it prevents: the talks, the games, the family festivities...through which much of the child's learning takes place and through which his character is formed. Turning on the television set can turn off the process that transforms children into people." (The Plug-In Drug, Penguin Books, NY, NY, 1985, p. 141)
We have one time through with our children to get it right. There is no going back and repeating the child rearing process. No matter how much we sometimes like to we cannot take a 19-year-old and make him three again, so we can do a better job raising him. Our future influence and opportunity will be in a much different role. Following are a few suggestions that may help us avoid the distractions that hinder our family communication and take advantage of the time we do have:
While speaking to a large group of parents and teenagers in Redmond, Washington I told them how electronic media had invaded our homes and limited quality communication. I ended with the following questions. To the youth I said, "If I were to promise you a great learning experience for seven days, do you think you would be able to leave your parents for the week?" Every hand appeared to go up. Then to the parents I said: "If I could promise you a great learning experience, would you leave your teenagers for seven days?" Again the response is appeared to be unanimous. Then I said, "You say you can leave each other for seven days. Now, can you leave the electronic media for seven days? I challenge you to go without any electronic media (TV, movies, radio, Ipods, video games etc.) for seven days. Spend the week talking with each other and participating in family activities." I wish I would have had a video camera to capture the reactions of the audience members. Most of the audience looked to me like they have just been given a long prison sentence. In the end some actually accepted the challenge. I asked all who participated to record their daily experiences and send me a copy when they completed the challenge. A teenage girl said, “I have never had so many meaningful conversations with my parents before in my life.” One mother went home and had all of her children keep the 7 day journal. She helped her five-year-old daughter by recording what she said at the end of each day. These are her words:
Day 1: "I went the whole day without TV and radio and cartoons. I spended my day playing inside, coloring and playing with my brother.
Day 2: "I'm sorry I slipped today. I watched a little "Nintendo" at Leo's the neighbor's). I feel sad.
Day 3: " I didn't watch any TV. I won't let Linda (another neighbor) turn on the TV.
Day 4: "I didn't watch any TV. I feel happy. I played at the park. I met some new friends -- Kelly, Lacey and Mariah. I colored in my coloring book.
Day 5: "We went to another park to day. We saw animals and a brand new bunny.
Day 6: "I didn't watch any TV cause I wanted to be good and do what my mom said. I did not watch Saturday morning cartoons, because we went out to breakfast at the park. Tonight we went to see a play -- it was different than TV -- I like plays better. We went to the library to get me some reading books. I read about a cat that was fat.
Day 7: "We read books and had fun. I've learned to be happy without TV. It gave me some time to do some other things. God doesn't want us to watch too much TV." (Lindsay Witt - Redmond, Washington.
It usually takes a total media blackout before we can really realize how much this modern day distraction has invaded our homes. Almost everyone who has taken the seven-day challenge has experienced a dramatic increase in the amount of family communication and activities. Effective communication is a learned skill that takes time and sacrifice to develop. It must be planned with distractions eliminated to be worthwhile, but the results will be well worth the sacrifice.