Saturday, August 4, 2007

Thank You for Your Comments

Comments From Readers On This Weeks Subject of Expressing and Showing Love

“The biggest mistake I feel my parents made was not showing or expressing their love with hugs, kisses. I feel like this held me back a lot.”

“I always knew that my mother would have kind words to say, a comforting hug and a shoulder to cry on. Now that I think about it, the only way we were able to deal with some of our struggles is her being there for us. I think it helped her also.”

“My mother kissed my father every single night when he returned home from work. That example has taught me a lot of how to have a better marriage and a stronger family.”

“My parents were very affectionate toward each other (even in front of us children) and that always made me feel very secure and I have always been an affectionate person, I believe because of that.”

“One thing that my parents did right was to show us love. Hugs were normal around our home.”

“My mother was very affectionate and nurturing with us as children. She told me daily that she loved me, and I always felt like she really meant it. That love got me through all of the hard times.”

“Neither my husband or I grew up in homes where we were told we were loved or where physical affection was shown. When we married we decided we would break that tradition with our own family. Now all of our children are married with children of their own. Each time we are together we tell them we love them and they tell us the same when we part. We never talk to any of our children without expressing love for them at the end of the conversation.”

“My parents stopped giving regular hugs and displays of affection except on special occasions or in crisis. Because of this I see us, there children, responding the same way towards them.”

“Very seldom did my parents show affection towards one another. There was always a cold, distant feeling between the two of them and there still is. I don’t thing they realize the impact this has had on our family.”

“My father stopped being a “daddy” to his daughters as soon as we became adolescents. There were no more hugs or kisses, no more quiet talks, only schoolwork, housework or yard work issues were discussed.”

“My parents did not take the time to hug us and tell us they were proud of us if we did something good. This hurt all of us.”

“My father was a bit reserved in his relationships with his four daughters. My dad says now he wishes he had hugged and held us more. Too many fathers keep at a distance from their children for fear of accusations of abuse or because it is not ‘manly’ to show affection. Children need lots of APPROPRIATE physical love from both parents.”

“One thing that did not occur often in my family was telling one another ‘I love you.’ I don’t remember ever saying it on my own will and really meaning it until my first phone call during my freshman year at college. I told them ‘I love you’ over the phone for the first time.”

“I never went to bed without telling my parents that I loved them. They never let me go out of the house without telling me that they loved me. I think if I’m doing anything good with my own family now it is that. They know that I love them no matter what because I show them every day.”

“The words ‘I love you’ were never spoken in our home. We did go on nightly walks together as a family, and in holding hands and the 3 hand squeezes which meant ‘I love you.’ I’m not sure why we couldn’t have done both. How much time does it take to say the words along with the actions.”

“I never once in my entire life heard my dad say the words ‘I love you’ to any member of my family including my mother. He has passed on now but in 80 years he couldn’t seem to get those words out. I’m sure the reason is that he never heard it from his parents. Why can’t we stop passing on these hurtful traditions over the generations?”

“After my marriage my husband taught me to express my love vocally. My sister was shocked to hear me tell our mom that I loved her. She said that she wasn’t used to hearing anyone in our family saying those words. What a shame.”

“I had to get my parents attention in other ways since I didn’t hear them say I love you. I always tried to do really good in school to please them and get their attention. It was the only way I could really relate to them.

“The mistake I felt my parents made was that they were not demonstrative as far as their love for us was concerned. I think it was part of their generation, but they never said, ‘I love you’ or ‘you are important’ or ‘you are special.’ I grew up not knowing that I was loved. Now as an adult I can look back and see that I was loved, but it would have helped my feelings of worth and value if I had been told that.”

“When we got to be teenagers my parents stopped saying I love you except on special occasions or in a crisis.”

“Growing up I never once heard my parents say that they loved me. Never once did my father hug me or say he was proud of me. My mother would give me a distant hug when I was leaving for college etc. I think that this is one reason I gave in to peer pressure so much. I never really wanted to use drugs, drink or be sexually active before marriage but did so many times. Why? I don’t really now for sure but looking back I think like the song says, I was, ‘looking for love in all the wrong places.’ I have suffered greatly because of those mistakes. Somehow I think I would not have gone seeking love if only my parents would have showed it in the home.”

“One of the great regrets of my life has been not telling my mother that I loved her on the morning she left for the hospital. I had no idea that she would be dead within 8 hours from the time she left. I don’t plan to make that mistake again with those whom I love.”

“If I could send a message to every parent in the world it would be to: 1. Tell your family members that you love them every single day. 2. Kiss and hug family members every day when they are leaving for the day or coming home. 3. Every time you talk on the phone, email or text a loved one end by expressing love. 4. Show your love through your expressions (smile, wink, nod, sign language etc.). 5. Act excited to see each other when you have been a part for the day.”


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